Joychasing.

Everything must be in order. She must clean the house. She didn’t need anybody else. There was so much to do. That’s how it goes. Once you’ve figured out the things to do, you don’t need anybody else.

She must dust and wash and mop. And again. Until everything is in order. Shiny. She will not go out to play today. She must finish it all by tonight. Everything must be in order.

She was hungry when she was arranging the food in the fridge. No, she wasn’t. It was the sight of food. She was turning into a glutton. Thinking about food. But once she started thinking about it she couldn’t stop. She remembered the taste of everything that she liked. She remembered the smell. Then she put it away. She will savor it after she was finished with arranging and reordering and cleaning and washing. Then she will be at peace.

She was sad because the children upstairs did not ask her to go with them to see the fireworks yesterday. Their mom probably told them to ask her today. But today she was happy. She had other stuff to get on with. She wasn’t shy and grateful today. She told them to go without her, she had something to do that pleased her better.