I mean, haha, issawl cool, man. Somany things to do, somany. Whocares, Whybother types. Trouble is, have studyleave on, and cannot, just cannot stay home. And having contracted bloody stomach infection, its just the next best thing to absolutely brilliant. Stay in bed, delirious, until the thing thats eating your entrails decides to churn it all. I have a semicharmed life, haven’t I?

Ah well, pain is inevitable. Suffering optional. And what is suffering? A complete waste of time and energy. Some more honorable occupation I will find.

I want, very badly, to tell you everything. Everything, you know? You are a story I will never do justice to while narrating to others. But I’d still want to. “I love meeting new people.” Its actually true. I recognise the truth in it. It is a drug. All these strangers. Only slightly known people. These friends of friends. I live for conversations. I live for knowing. Every subconsciously revealed quirk, every overt idiosyncratic habit is a clue. I will feign surprise, but I will know what you will say next. I have your story playing in my mind. Sometimes you’re a Star. You aren’t you, then. I make you in my mind anew. I create you. I fill in the gaps.

And every story you tell me, once, twice, a zillion times, is one more vicarious pleasure. And everyday I love you less and less. But thats no great tragedy.

Your smokescreen of words I loved so well, is just that, a smokescreen. I find that it no longer amuses me. You will never read this, yes. But then, I will never remember you otherwise. All your pretty lies, I will never remember. Just that they were pretty.

I don’t want you. I don’t want your lies anymore. I don’t want your condescension. And if you won’t give me the satisfaction of a closure, I’ll take it in my stride and simply forget. I will see possibility elsewhere. I will have fallen into fascination with someone else. You are the product of boredom. You will fade with the end of it.

Overpowering emo-ness. Also craving for oxytocin. Somebody drown me in chocolate. Never having thought of myself as a people-loving person, I am now at a loss. A very wrong time to want to be in a herd. There’s always an alpha male/female. The rest are sheep. But a herd…it amuses me. I want to be amused for a while.

Procrastinating.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER:

Cannot remember.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

Ha. Ghare Baire, Dhorai Charit Manas (for the test tomorrow), Reading Lolita in Tehran, and for unloading, Special Topics in Calamity Physics.

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?

Scrabble.

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?

I don’t read any.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?

The Bakery/Confectionery Smell, The Roll Shop Smell, The Phuchkawallah Smell, The Feast Smell From The Kitchen, baba’s clothes, essence d’anc.

6. FAVORITE SOUND?

Silence. Certain voices.

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

Humiliation.

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?

I was having a good dream…

9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?

Umm…Grub Club?

10. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME?

Haven’t thought about it. There probably won’t be any.

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. “IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I’D…?

make sure I’d always have enough to live comfortably. Invest judiciously. Build schools, healthcare units. Buy school, medical supplies. Set up trusts which award scholarships. Hire people to keep my living space clean and organised.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?“

I don’t drive.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?

No. I have a paashbaalish though.

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?

Fun to watch from a warm dry place. The opposite, when caught in one.

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?

Never owned one.

16. FAVORITE DRINK?

Water.

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, “IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD …..

Enroll in programs in Neuroscience, Anthropology, Psychobiology, Architecture, Statistics, Archeology, Genetics, Sociology, Molecular biochemistry, Philology.

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?

No.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?

Purple and black duotone.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.

Agartala, Berhampore, Guwahati, Calcutta.

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?

Figure skating.

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.

A fine Loonybun.

23. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED?

Dust?

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?

No. A new and improved version of myself, rather.

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?

Neither.

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?

Neither. I like them scrambled. Or a bastardised version of frittatas.

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?

Anywhere there is good conversation and good food and temperature control.

28. FAVORITE PIE?

I don’t like pies.

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

Chocolate. Duh.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?

Haven’t tagged anyone.

I can look inside your head

I remember the back streets of Naples
Two children begging in rags
Both touched with a burning ambition
To shake off their lowly-born tags, so they try

Peter Sarstedt